Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
