i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
They took my balls.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
