Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
