i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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