found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
