the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
