I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize