Only a mothe r could love this liver
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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