Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
another moral hangover. fuck.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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