my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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