i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Randomize
