We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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