your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
