Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
