If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
