I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
