i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
FUCK WHALES
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
