it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize