You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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