My underwear smells like fireworks.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
