I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize