i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
