Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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