I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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