I'm lost and stupid without you.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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