I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
