Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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