True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize