Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
