If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So vagazzling was a success
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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