Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
