By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
