Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
