god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
