I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
