my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
