And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
