Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
