you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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