hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
