Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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