I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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