He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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