Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Small penises have feelings too.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
