There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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