I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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