Me. At least after what I've been through.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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