My nipple is on Facebook.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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