wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
