I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
