obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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