Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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