Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i wish my penis had a tongue
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I need water and some morals
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
