What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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