What tipped you off? The sombrero?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
