I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
