I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
