By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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