I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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