some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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