i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
