Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
