apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
