do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
