the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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